Have a seat. A Freedom of Information request earlier this week from one discerning Twitter user (https://twitter.com/iamdanw/status/362150150170361857) has brought to light what can only be considered a true national tragedy. David Cameron [read army of similarly waxen-faced interns in tandem with the BPI] composed a Best of British mix-tape. To make matters worse, he then had the audacity to gift it to world leaders at the recent G8 conference in Northern Ireland, presumably amidst the peeling frontispieces of the already embarrassing Potemkin village of Fermanagh.
Let’s not beat around the bush, what might appear as a seemingly-innocuous USB stick partially-stuffed with “tunes”, is in actuality a dangerous act of cultural propaganda that irrevocably threatens both national security and international relations as well. The nuclear holocaust is nigh, and it’s been incited by intolerable and overwhelming beigeness. Look upon his works, ye Blighty, and despair!
- Alt-J – ‘Tessellate’
- Jake Bugg – ‘Lightning Bolt’
- Laura Mvula – ‘Green Garden’
- Lianne La Havas – ‘Is Your Love Big Enough?’
- Ben Howard – ‘Only Love’
- Gabrielle Aplin – ‘Home’
- Tom Odell – ‘Another Love’
- Rudimental ft John Newman – ‘Feel The Love’
- Birdy – ‘Skinny Love’
- Conor Maynard – ‘Can’t Say No’
Eesh. Whilst in the spirit of broken clocks being right we will allow Alt-J and the adorable Lianna La Havas – though typically he has opted for the drabbest cuts from each, ‘Taro’ and ‘Forget’ next time call me Dave – this simply will not do. Fortunately Arbiter of Taste is here to amend this sordid skidmark upon the Union Jack boxers.
By the same overtly-PC rules laid out here of young, recent, “multi-cultural”, presumably British (though notably absent of Scotch, Irish and ooh Welsh for good measure) artists, here’s an alternative mix-tape. Maybe we can Dropbox it to Putin before it’s too late.
ARBITER OF TASTE 